Nya's Anggyy Garrdenn
Diary entry from the a gwumpy cat and hooman as they find some zen π±
The garden has been particularly busy this week with the Nya kicking up a lot of soil, tossing in all her anggyy. After observing that her hooman has no way to make happy anggyy, Nya has kindly extended entry to her anggyy garrdenn to her hooman.
If you too would like to make happy anggyy, kindly look for the closest cat near you and ask for speshΓΌl purrmission to use their anggyy garrdenns too. Or you can write in and ask Nya, Iβm sure sheβll be fine with you entering her garrdenn.
And now for some hooman attempts at sharing mews. Nya has been hard at work teaching her hooman cat skills.
It Me Anggyyy πΎ
Yes, I feel uncomfurrtable talking about my anggyy in public.
Before I dive into the anggy, I want to take a mewoment to celebrate something. What a beautiful week it has been! I am in awe of how many new subscribers joined since mews last Caturday.
Iβm not counting, but also I am (itβs my marketer brain, I pawmise). Or maybe its the cats counting how many new hoomans they have in their army.
18 mew subscribers, and all the wonderful messages that have been received with so much love and warmth from people old and new. AND WE EVEN GOT ONE PLEDGE!
Whatβs A Pledge?
While Mewsletter is free now, one day the cats hope to make chimken food monies. A pledge is a pawmise of sorts to suppawt them when the day comes that they take chimken food monies.
We could not have asked for a better suppawter.
Purrsentingβ¦β¦ Ms Kira β¨
Ms Kira, the cats have asked about you through the googly eyes (ahem⦠Google). And they has found you on the imstagrams.
Furrst of all, what a distinguished young lady you are!
Yes, the cats totally stole your picturr from imstagrams. Thank meow for suppawting Ms Nya. From one black cat to another, she knows how impawtent it is to stick together to share true cat stories.
In honour of Kiraβs terrormendous suppawt of the cats, Ms Nya would like to furrmally extend an invitation to Kira to join the Paw of Fame. The cats eagerly await Kiraβs decision, but have already started spreading the word about this new cat on Nyaβs block.
For their purrpaganda poster, the cats did not hesitate to find more photos of Kira on the imternets πΌ
Join The Cat Purrpaganda πΎ
If your cat gibs Mewsletter a paw paw of approval and would like the formally suppawt the cats, Nya would like to make a Paw of Fame with your catβs picture in it. Nya pawmises to get her hooman to make a speshΓΌl collage to celebrate your beloved cat to add to the Paw of Fame and treat your cat with utmost respect that every cat deserves.
Simply mew-mail a purrty picture of your cat to pawcatguide@substack.com with your catβs name.
More than one cat welcome. All non-cats welcome too, only if they agree to go by the name βCatβ. Strictly no hoomans not allowed on the Paw of Fame.
Paws & Ponder With Me
Okay, back to my anggyy. It has been patiently waiting for me to return to it, so now we talk about the anggyy.
But how do we talk about anggyy? I donβt really know. Is it really okay to talk honestly about βuglyβ feelings that are not happy, joy or somewhere in that spectrum?
Assuming weβre all tired of the plastic social media profiles and are thirsty for some real hooman Feelingsβ’οΈ, how do I share without it coming across as an entitled vent about a random event in my life?
Can anggyy add value to peopleβs lives? Mebbe, mebbe.
Turn Back The Time Machine
Ten years back, letβs go~~~~
Itβs 2013. Angsty young me is lonely, isolated, and in deep deep depression. Itβs that kind of feeling where even in a room full of familiar faces and people, I felt lonely.
What was worse, I actually felt safer and more comfortable in a room full of unfamiliar faces.
So odd. At least, thatβs what I thought. I wonder what kind of circumstances drove me to feel unsafe in my own life, within my home, with my family & friends?
Ten years later, I have the answer. Itβs that I was a stranger in my own life with people who were close to me. I was performing roles for people, I was performing expected identities.
Faking it.
Being a βgood daughterβ. Being an βoutstanding studentβ. Being the βoutgoing friendβ.
No, faking it here till I βmake itβ doesnβt really make sense here. What did I even want to set out to achieve? Nothing, I just wanted to be good at the things people expected of me.
But you see, nowhere was I paying attention to my voice. I probably didnβt even know how to recognize it. I didnβt know how to be myself in my own life.
Only when I was in a room full of strangers did I feel like I could let go.
Let go of the expectations.
Let go of who I was supposed to be.
Finally, I could just be.
One of those room full of strangers happened to be the internet. The booming days of Facebook where you HAD to poke everyone at least once a day. At least 5 pokes if you had a crush on that person, or if they were your BFF.
At the peak of my struggles, I recall posting about how lonely I felt, and I desperately wanted someone to see me for who I was.
One of the more memorable times I did this was fresh off the pills episode where I drove myself to the hospital A&E.
I groggily recall people coming into the ICU. To my hospital room. It felt like each person was given a mission to convince me of something.
Mission 1: Do not talk about the episode with the pills
Mission 2: Do not ask about the episode with the pills
Mission 3: Forget that i was in the ICU, and pretend everything was ok
Mission 4: Lie to the investigation officers about what happened
Mission 5: Take the damn Facebook post down
The Pawmise of the Internet
In case youβre wondering, yes. I did take the post down. Sort of. I think I made it private.
How dare people impose rules on me πΎ
These types of requests persisted, and eventually, I got weary. Big T Trauma weary.
The emotional manipulation, the gaslighting, and the angry impositions ruined the internet for me, and now felt dreary.
The internet was supposed to be a safe place! A place for me to find friends of similar interests. To build trust with people slowly, even though they lived oceans away. To find pen pals and write letters to and swap life stories.
The internet felt like a magical place all my life until it stopped being that.
Iβve met wonderful people who decorate and present themselves in my life like flowers blooming in the gentle summer breeze.
The internetβs promise in my life is simple.
Connection
Knowledge
Open the doors to my future
Finding My Way Back
The internet didnβt just stop being nice for me one sudden day. Although, admittedly, as the internet has matured, it brought a different set of challenges (hello doxxing, data & privacy security, imternet spam etc, you get the idea). It was a gradual shift, of slow ripples of difficult emotions.
I needed space and time to unpack & heal from the newer emotional struggles of presenting my life on the internet.
Eventually, I just stopped updating my status on Facebook. I mean, maybe you have too, hey? I donβt know how often people use Facebook nowβ¦ (tell me in the comments if youβre on there frequently).
I stopped posting on Twitter (err⦠X).
I stopped engaging. I stopped showing up. I stopped showing myself.
I turned inward. I mean, thereβs definitely a nice side to giving myself space to heal. But after a while, it really felt like I was voyeuristically and enviously looking at others who were brave enough to bring themselves and their art to the internet.
Could this be me too, one day? π»
But there was so much fear. And fuzzy thoughts, and clouded ideas, and fear. So much FEAR. Fear of what? I donβt know.
Ok, maybe I do know.
Fear of disappointing the people around me by posting about myself on the internet. Fear that I would let them down. Fear, that, they wouldnβt like me if I shared more authentically and vulnerably on the internet.
PEOPLE PLEASING TENDENCIES π I see youuuuuuu π
Taking A Leap Of Faith
The healing space, time, and intention have been a wonderful journey so far. Itβs given me more courage and conviction that I am the most important purrson in my own life.
Can you believe there was a time I didnβt believe in my life? Taking a moment to stand in solidarity with all the recovering people pleasers out there. π
But sometime during the pandemic, I set the intention to learn to find my way back to the cozy corner of the internet that I get to invite people into. Not just cozy for the sake of being a vibe, but really a warm space to unpack our lives and also indulge in some cat chaos.
I found my way to Substack, and also found a way to access my voice when I started reading
βs . It is special to see Alexβs wonderful humour mixed with personal essays/ explorations.Alex does an advice column of sorts, and Ms Nya tossed her whisker in with a question.
To which, Alex wrote an imploring response thatβs been bouncing around my brain since I read it, and I fell off the internet once again to process it. To heal, to find some personal light, and lean into the direction.
(Read Alexβs full post below to see what he shared with me/Nya)
TLDR; this is what he said:
Just write.
I Heard The Universeβs Whisper
The volume level was probably more like a shout by now, but weβre here now and Iβm writing to you!
Two days before my/Nyaβs purrthday recently, we saw
share this on their imstagrams. Shoutout to by that also moves me and gives me the courage to think this is possible.To think that reconnecting with the pawmise of the internet is possible for me.
In ways where I feel safe.
In ways where I feel empowered to ignore the negative voices.
In ways where I feel ready to receive the warmth from people reading across the screen from me.
In ways where I feel ready for my life to be witnessed within the limits of my boundaries.
In ways where I feel happy to talk about the anggyy, which we have not discussed yet btw.
Soooooβ¦. maybe I didnβt want to talk about the actual anggyy looking back at what I wrote? Just whether we can talk about anggyy (something for the future I guess hehe).
But the more impawtent thing is, now you know and now I know that the anggyy can be shared and discussed in joyful ways too.
Nyaβs world has been wonderful to navigate complex feelings, and anger is at the heart of what I need to release in this season.
Garrdenn With Me & Nya
Maybe youβll walk away from this Caturdayβs mews to lovingly look at your plants and wonder if a chonky gwumpy ginger cat secretly waters and whiskers sweet nothings to your plant so it grows happy.
Or maybe you want to make your own anggyy garrdenn.
Nya has kindly shared her garden with you.
This is her digital garden, think of it as a page you get to duplicate and have easy access to on your computer, tablet or phone.
We made it on Kinopio, which is our favourite infinite canvas tool and itβs free to make an account. Extra brownie points because it is ethical software created by an indie maker.
Whenever you have an anggyy you want to toss into the garrdenn, just edit any of the βtoss anggyyβ cards β itβs as easy as that.
Why do this, you ask? Because itβs so fun!! It also has surprisingly helped me release and air grievances without getting stuck in the guilt/shame cycle. Plus itβs private to you.
Or maybe all of this anggyy garrdenn talk inspires you to create a version of your own.
Join The Cats In All The Excitement
Weβre really feeling it now! Itβs joyful to turn up here and just be. Join us and comment below:
Did your cat nom well today?
Did your cat sleep well today?
Did your cat play well today?
Were you an ameowzing hooman to your cat today?
Which birb did your cat chase today? (Or not chase, if itβs that kind of a day!)
You Can Send Mews Too!
Know a cat or a hooman who may enjoy receiving mews? Do you think mews are missing from their life? You can furrward this and share mews with them yourself. The cats will be extremely pleased with you if you share. Who knows, maybe theyβll put it a good word with a cat today for you.
Want to Receive Mews Straight In Your Inbox?
Say no more, say no more.
P.S. Nya and I are beginning to explore more of Substack, come join us in Substack chat. Thereβs a quiet room for cats to do zoomies, you heard it here first.
